2006-05-17, 1:00 a.m.
a very special little girl came into the world today. and i can hardly wait to see her! :) she'll be mommy's girl and daddy's girl and everybody's little girl. and she'll be perfect. because she'll be the biggest, little-est blessing in this life.
i didn't go to school today. (yes how strange it is to say that, considering what school really means now) i lost my voice yesterday, and i didn't fancy having to yell at anybody/bodies and have nothing come out. of course, some of these nasty kids deserve to wallow in my germs. but heaven forbid, how sickening it is to be sick. to think it was something i used to wish for every damn morning not more than a year ago, and nothing would make us more content than a sick teacher forced to give us a free lesson. how they must hate me now, the relief teacher who won't give them any peace, free space or free time, and will insist on forcing them to do corrections on compositions that are miserably short of grammar, and sometimes common sense :(
having friends is proving to be a challenge, presently. occasionally it erupts into an insurmountable difficulty. what exactly is difficult is hard to pinpoint precisely. but more than several times i have found myself feeling ruthlessly annoyed, incredulous, or left out in the cold. which makes it a lot easier than previously to understand why some people i know would rather be solitary for most of their lives. i am very quizzical about this situation since our previous era of friendships stayed a hell lot more intact despite being more eventful. it's the ever-increasing emotional dearth that's depressing, the fragments that just become looser and looser. sometimes i think i don't even try hard enough to keep it together. sometimes i am piteous because i realize the physical constraints of time and general tiredness. sometimes it feels helpless and i marvel and am horrified at the envy i feel towards those who have kept it together because i don't know how. and sometimes i am just so tired of reminding myself to pick up the pieces before it's too late.
unlimited capacity - 2006-06-10
with or without you - 2006-05-29
sniffle sniffle - 2006-05-17
. - 2006-05-14
that thing you do - 2006-05-14
